The Truth

Makam Mahsuri ,Langkawi ,1999

Lately ,all i do reminds me of you .i think and think and keep on thinking and it leads me to one conclusion ; I MISS YOU .maaf tapi post kali ini sangat sangat lah penuh emosi ,dah cakap kan ,one of the way i can express my feelings is through writing .

Abah ,aina rindu abah .aina tak tau dah nak cakap macam mana tapi perit lah ,sakit yang amat .kenapa ek ?i can keep and stay strong but once something tu ada kena mengena pasal abah i'll break .like a little useless piece of twig .bila aina rindu mama ,iemad ,adik ,baba and siapa siapa pun lah ,aina tak kisah .cause i know all i have to do is grab my cell ,punch in some numbers and said what i felt like saying .but you ,i don’t know what to do .nangis nangis and doa doa doa .tu je aina mampu buat. tapi suara ?can i hug you once i get home ?can i see that smile again ?can i see you in that shirt ,the one i bought for you waktu pertama kali aina puasa and dapat duit sebagai ganjaran dari mama dengan abah ,yang warna maroon tu .you told me that the shirt is too small for you tapi abah still pakai kan ?(bodoh la kau aina ,get over your bloody self !he's gone .FOR GOOD!)

Tapi perasaan ,kau lah paling tau bukan apa aku rasa ?he's someone from my past ,i know him since the first day i was born .hell ,half of me is him for god sake .i only have one heart ,everybody does but mine is divided equally into four parts .satu abah ,satu mama ,satu iemad ,satu adik . 1/4 of my heart is no longer there .how can i keep on breathing and living normally through out my life ?that part is empty .nothing is left to it anymore .i don't know how the hell am i supposed to live if other parts are also gone and leave me to live this world alone .those 4 people are my life ,my air ,the reason i'm still standing .life as i know it will be no used if they are gone .

It kills me to see orang pergi memancing ,that 24pieces of dunhill's cigarettes .abah tau tak ,hari tu wallet aina hilang kat klcc ,aina tak rasa ape pun hilang duit or cards or whatever things in it .once aina perasan wallet tu hilang all i can think about is pictures of you ,mom and also your driving licence .siapa yang jumpa wallet tu tolong lah amek jela segala yang ada dalam tu tapi tolong bagi balik gambar mama ,abah dengan lesen abah .tolong .and everytime aina balik bangi something inside me tingles .it feels like i'm home .with you .the memory perhaps made me feel like this .who knows ?abah ingat tak yang dinding bilik kitorang dulu yang abah ada lukis gambar ayam arnab and such tu ?yg pemandangan kat ladang tu ?mama dah sewakan rumah kat bangi so she had to hire some people to repaint the house .bila dah siap cat kan ,aina masuk balik bilik tu ,gambar yang abah paint tu semua dah takda ,all there is to it is just white wall .nothing else .no rabbit ,no chickens ,no trees .nothing .it breaks my heart during that moment .not to forget your fishing rods ,clothes and superbike .like people are trying to get rid you out of my life .haha ,silly feelings .it's just stuff kan ?nak sedih buat apa .

I don't know if I imagining things or you are really with me .I dreamed of you ,for a week infact once kitorang pindah KL ,i dreamed of you on my 16th birthday .here i am ,thousands of miles away from home and you still come into my dreams .you may not come often but you're there :) terima kasih tuhan :DD terima kasih banyak .I don't know how are you feeling watching me grow up ,but i'm trying to do my very best in everything .and mama if you read this,i promise to take care of iemad and adik with all my might and life .abah mama iemad adik adalah benda paling berharga Allah pernah bagi dekat aina .i will do everything for you guys as long as that particular thing which is fate itself yang memisahkan kita ;]

Setiap benda ada hikmah bukan ?maybe what i have today adalah hikmahnya ,aina mula kenal siapa mama ,aina mula lebih menyayangi orang-orang di sekeliling aina particularly keluarga asas ;D haha .i start seeing things differently not just those that meet the eyes .it is all thanks to you god ,terima kasih Allah .terima kasih juga abah sebab bagi aina macam macam pengalaman .waktu hidup jangan katalah kan ,ni dah pergi jugak pun banyak juga pengalaman aina dapat sebab abah .

I miss you so much .sometimes i feel like my heart is going to burst or even my lungs are going to repture if i ever thought of the past .i'm sorry for everything i've done .genting highland is the most .i'm sorry i made you feel sick .it wasn't my attention .i swear to god it wasn't .i will never going to forgive myself for that .i'm the reason for every pain ,every tears and everything.

I know i'm not supposed to hang to the past but i can't let it go either .the past made who i am today .if i let it go sama jela macam lupa diri sendiri bukan ?semalam adalah sejarah dan sejarah bukan untuk dilupa tapi untuk dijadikan pengajaran .dan pengajaran semalam membuatkan diri mana-mana insan pun untuk jadi lebih dewasa dan matang .kan ?

Lastly ,
abah ,damailah dirimu disana di sisi tuhan yang esa .ku taburi doa mewangi ,hanya dari anakmu

Aina Farhana Mohammad

Update

14.9.2009 terima kasih cinta :)

terima kasih untuk semua .i'm, okay

salam peluk cium ,
aina farhana mohammad

Imran Yusof

how to begin this ,i know ,i can write things about so many person in this world but why him ?kenapa bukan manje ?nina ?qomal ?milah ? adie? sanah ?or even better kenapa just tak tulis semua manusia dalam satu post .the thing is he's not just a friend ,he's my second cousin .bloody hell with the word second ,he's cousin alright .the best one a person could ever had .



dia mudah naik angin and mood dia selalu berubah tanpa sebab [this one goes to you too nina] and sure he can be moody and always swearing but that is who he is . the same person who listened to my story when i get sad ,the same person who helped me when i feel like there's no other solution might concerned (ye yang lain pun banyak terlibat but this one is about ban so dont spoil the mood) i know him that way and i will always love him that way .not the one with the icky-icky stuff .no lust involved .nothing .just pure solid i love you .fullstop .


last time meeting him .okay how to put this ,it was soo blooody damn harddddd .he arrived ,chat a little ,ate and here comes the byebye part .we shook hands .i know i know ,it was wrong ,i admit .but last time kott jumpa dia ,kalau aku tak ingat dosa pahala memang aku peluk kau sekuat hati time tu .just imagine ,the person yang you always jumpa every year (keluarga asas excluded) and you're not going to see him any more .memang la it's not like i never going to see him again but takdir kan, siapa tahu ? when i shook he's hand i just can't let it go .seriously ,i can't .rasa cam nak nangis pun ada la bodoh tapi takleh keluar air mata sebab tempat awam .ngee ,rasa cam nak pecah paru-paru nak lepaskan tangan kau weh (imagine when it feels like when ban is switched to mama ,i might passed out) .saying goodbye is hard .to you is even worse .okay maybe not just you ,a few people might be on the same list but you're one of them .


aku harap kau baca ni ban ,i know kau bukan layan sangat blog .but this one goes to you .i may not promise to stay in touch with every single person i'm attached to right now in my life but you ,i'm sure .kita kawan .kita keluarga .we have the same genes for god sake !and not to forget ,you're my very own bisex :DD ngee .no matter where life takes me ,i remember you .all the memories ,semua benda weh .every single one of our time together ,gelak tawa ,susah payah ,pahit ,manis ,masam ,masin ,kelat dan segala rasa yang ada adalah memori semalam .terima kasih kesayangan sebab bagi aku memori yang boleh disimpan sampai mati .

Leaving

ok today is saturday ,tomorrow is sunday and the day after tomorrow is byebye malaysia. god .tak tau lah apa rasa .campur aduk kot .barang tak pack lagi but here i am posting a blog sambil tengok cerita fairly oddparents .typical me .but seriously ,so many things to do so little time .kalau tak ada benda nak buat ,hah !amek kau punyalah lapang nak mamposss masa .beg pun cam tak muat je sedangkan barang banyak nak mati (i think)

okayokay rasa berat hati tu jangan cakap lah .siapa nak tengok mama ?iemad ngan adik macam mana ?nanti kalau diorang gaduh macam mana ?siapa nak jaga diorang ni ?i admit i can be mean as a sister but i love them sooo muchhhhh .i'm not the type of person yang senang nak express feelings to people that mean the world to me but that doesnt mean i dont love them .i love 'em so much that i dont know how to xpress my feelings ,just put it this way ,i dont care if i have to give my life as long as theirs are fine .i actually love them that much .sesak kot weh nafas nak tinggalkan mereka .

friends .i'm sure going to miss them .like hell i do but tak boleh attach too much because ada seorang manusia once said to me yang friends come and go but family stick to you no matter what .he's right kan ?even if i love my friends to death that doesnt mean like they are going to be by my side forever .but i would like to highlight I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND I DONT WANT TO LOSE THEM but hey ,face fact like aina .hidup bukan untuk kau seorang ,mereka juga ada hidup mereka sendiri .so here i am typing that i will be ready if mereka hilang dari pandangan dan juga hidup .doa akan sentiasa mengiringi mereka .

lastly ,things change & friends leave,and life doesnt stop for anyone .

2 hari 1 malam

2 hari 1 malam equals to one night stand. haha .ok guess what? i spent 2days and a night kat kolej matrikulasi melaka .ngee ,tamao kalah nak juga tulis nama panjang :) it was a blast !dah pergi baru la tau betapa rindunya diriku pada kmm dan warganya .

ejah teball


ROOMIES : teha neknek ,nina mak ,lyn adik :DD

we laughed and smiled and sleeped and huged and kissed like mad .i likeeeeeeee :) but seriously ,sangat seronok lah jumpa member merapu and all .that night tidur ngan ejah si bontot tebal or nama glemer dia sekarang king kong .best ok da lama tidur tak peluk dia kuat-kuat sekatil sebntal ;] agaga .not to forget my old roomies .wee sayang depa ketat-ketat lepak ngan fasma and dengar all the new gossip in class .but dalam happy-happy ,sedih juga sebenarnya sebab tak dapat jumpa belle ,d ,wani and beh .rindu kott depa banyak-banyak .but what can i say ?tade rezeki kan sayang ,maybe next time ?

denn :]

dan tanpa ku duga tengah seronok-seronok menikmati saat-saat terakhir tetiba fuad call .gosh ,i miss that guy .dia tu gila ok ,kalau pukul tak kira aku ni perempuan ke apa ke dia henyak jugak tumbuk cam tumbuk member-member yang sejantina dengan beliau .sakit gila babi -.-' but it was nice to hear from him .rindu syial kau :DD

bila detik-detik terakhir tiba ,maka berpelukan la kami seperti tiada hari esok .thanks for the all warm hugs guys .see you in 2 or 3 years time maybe ?till then ,i love you guys ok .don't forget .

the pre-beginning

okay ,this is weird ,i'm starting my own blog .what the heck ,everybody kena start somewhere kan? okay here it goes .i went to this kursus for a week dekat Institut Latihan Islam Malaysia or more likely to be known as ILIM .yes my dear ,i've been there .big shock kan? hee .okay so ,first day was rough .i was begging like hell dekat mama tak nak pergi .i even had this crazy idea to fake a flu or even call the institution and tell them i got H1N1 .that bad okay i didnt want to go but for sure ,pergi jugak last-last .did i mention that the first day at ILIM was the first day of ramadhan ?i was expecting for the WORST .god help us all .

then ,things got better eventually .my roomate sangat-sangat la baik .btw ,thanks sha! :) i met these wonderful people which are unique in their very own way .i learn that there is more to the world and people on it than meet the eyes .okay ,shifting away from my jiwang kosai mood .but seriously what kind of minggu orientasi yang ada buat lawatan pergi putrajaya ?because mine did .taman botani putrajaya .weird huh .firstly things went out great . nil ,sara and i was walking and snaping picture like mad .jumping and laughing our butts off when suddenly sara stopped and there was blood in her mouth .banyak gile nak mati okay .panik sebentar kami .the blood wouldnt stop and she had to spit the blood like every second !sumpah cuak okay but then again things went to the way they were with the help of lots and lots of tissues :DD .and ini antara gambar kami yang sempat di snap through my phone because mostly kami tangkap gambar guna kamera nil :)

Nana :)

Raff :)


Basilah :)


atirah and sha :)


nil irma isaura :DD


sara nabila :DD

thank you guys :) see you in egypt nanti .hee .oh nil and sara ,see you tomorrow and the day after. shopping kan kesayangan ,i tak sabar nak jumpe you guys xoxoxo :)